Do I have to forgive others before God will forgive me?
If I believe I have forgiven someone but there still hasn’t been a
reconciliation between us, is my forgiveness genuine?
And why should I have to forgive others when I am the one who has been
wronged?
The fifth petition of the Lord’s Prayer begins “Forgive us our
debts.” It ends, “as we forgive our debtors.” It is a
petition that has much to teach us about the relationship between being
forgiven and being forgiving.
Cause and effect
Much of what we learn hinges on a proper understanding of the word “as.”
In technical terms, the “as” is not causal. In less technical
terms, Jesus is not teaching his disciples that forgiving others causes
(let alone requires or forces) God to forgive us.
At the very core of Christianity lies the reality that, as sinful human
beings, we are utterly unable to reconcile ourselves to a holy God.
Nothing we can do, not even forgiving others, can earn God’s
forgiveness. God’s decision to forgive our sins is an act of grace.
Paul expressed this truth with great clarity: “But because of his
great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ
even when we were dead in transgressions … For it is by grace you
have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it
is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast”
(Eph. 2:4-5, 8-9).
To reverse the order of forgiveness, to assume that we must forgive in
order to be forgiven, is to abandon the gift of grace in order to assume
the unbearable burden of work’s righteousness. Unless we realize
that we have been forgiven by God, we will find forgiving others a
wearisome task, one that far exceeds our own strength.
Reconciliation
Forgetting the priority of God’s forgiveness is not the only
stumbling block Christians face in learning how to forgive. Confusing
forgiveness with reconciliation can hinder us as well.
In
Let Jesus Heal Your Hidden Wounds, Cindy Strickler offers an
important reminder when she assures us that “it is possible to
forgive and release a person who has hurt us and not experience
reconciliation.”
She continues, “Reconciliation requires both forgiveness and
changes on both sides (not just within the victim). In some cases this
may be impossible. For instance, offenders who have already died or who
have refused to accept responsibility will be unable to do their part in
restoring the relationship. Many people have been blocked in giving
forgiveness because they believe God always calls them to be reconciled.
He does not!”
Having reconciled us to himself in Christ, God does indeed call us to
forgive. However, just as our acts of forgiveness are not the way we
earn his forgiveness, so we are not responsible for the attitudes and
actions of those we have forgiven. Rather, forgiving others is the way
we are to live in response to having been forgiven by God.
Forgiven and forgiving
While some have understood Jesus’ words following the Lord’s
Prayer (Matt. 6:14-15) to mean that individuals will be forgiven by God
if and only if they first forgive others, that interpretation, as we
have seen, runs counter to the message of the gospel.
These words must instead be read in the light of Matthew 18:21-35. In
this parable, a servant who owes the king several million dollars is
forgiven his unpayable debt. But the forgiven servant soon has a fellow
servant jailed for failing to repay a small amount. When the king hears
of this, he hands the unforgiving servant over to the jailers.
The point of the parable is plain: Having been forgiven, we are to be
forgiving. As servants of the King, as those who have been forgiven a
debt we could never repay, we are to treat the King’s other
servants as he has treated us.
Spiro Zodhiates frankly observes, “Let us never ask God to treat us
even as we treat others, for we shall be sorry indeed. … He
forgives freely, and so must we. Let us not for one moment think that we
can set ourselves up as an example to God. He does not need to imitate
us, but we need to imitate him.”
One way to imitate God is to “Forgive as the Lord forgave you”
(Col. 3:13). One way to bring to mind our constant need to conform this
part of our lives to God’s will is to pray, “Forgive us our
debts, as we forgive our debtors.”
Additional
Resources
Brad Long and Cindy Strickler, Let Jesus Heal Your Hidden
Wounds (Grand Rapids: Chosen, 2001); Spiro Zodhiates, The
Lord’s Prayer, 2nd ed., (Chattanooga: AMG Publishers, 1991) |